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I don’t really twitter too much about it … nor really make many videos concerning it… but I’m reaching the end of the line here.

I’m still unemployed.

I was reminded of this unfortunate fact when I came home to a mailbox full of bills. Bills that I just added up… along with my rent… and gas… and food for the month… and realized that it might be time to fold the cards.

If I don’t find some sort of steady income within the next two weeks… I’m going to have 3 options:

1 – Sell my car. (which I probably won’t get much for anyhow)

2 – Leave my apartment and start couch hopping.

3 – Give in and move back to NY.

Unless I win a Ford Fiesta I’m probably not going to go with the 1st option because it’s a bitch to get by in LA without a car. Besides, I really doubt I’d get much for it.

The 3rd option is the most comforting… but I imagine myself doing the 2nd option if I can because I’m a stubborn bitch.

I’ve been so stressed about this for the past few weeks but I don’t really talk about it. I wasn’t sure why I tried to avoid the topic until I finally did really talk about it with my sister the other day and suddenly broke down crying.

I told her not to tell my parents.

I’ve been avoiding them. I talk to them MAYBE once a week now. Normally I would talk to them at least every other day.

I feel bad because it’s not that I don’t miss them or I don’t want to talk to them… I just feel so ashamed that I have no good news to tell them. And they always have a million questions.

“Did you find a job? How are you paying your rent? Why are you even still there? Did you go on any interviews today?…”

It’s too much pressure.

Besides, when I actually did have a good paying job they came up with every stupid excuse for me to move back… now they have real good reasons for me to move back. But I’m doing everything I can to avoid that… I don’t need them tarnishing my thoughts.

I have an interview Tuesday. Hopefully it will go well.

I’m considering applying for part-time jobs now. I wasn’t before because that won’t pay the bills… but I suppose I can try to get two part-time jobs.

It’s okay.

I’m not going to panic.

I know whatever is supposed to happen will happen.

This isn’t a “poor me” blog. I don’t feel bad for myself. I’m where I am right now because of my own actions and decisions and I’m fine with that.

I guess it’s more of a “I’m going to be honest with myself and face that this is what is happening now” blog.

All I can do is search for jobs and interview the best I can for the next two weeks. If it doesn’t go well… decision making time.

It’s cool. Things could be way worse.