Current Situation

by denisevlogs on Mar.29, 2009, under Uncategorized

I don’t really twitter too much about it … nor really make many videos concerning it… but I’m reaching the end of the line here.

I’m still unemployed.

I was reminded of this unfortunate fact when I came home to a mailbox full of bills. Bills that I just added up… along with my rent… and gas… and food for the month… and realized that it might be time to fold the cards.

If I don’t find some sort of steady income within the next two weeks… I’m going to have 3 options:

1 – Sell my car. (which I probably won’t get much for anyhow)

2 – Leave my apartment and start couch hopping.

3 – Give in and move back to NY.

Unless I win a Ford Fiesta I’m probably not going to go with the 1st option because it’s a bitch to get by in LA without a car. Besides, I really doubt I’d get much for it.

The 3rd option is the most comforting… but I imagine myself doing the 2nd option if I can because I’m a stubborn bitch.

I’ve been so stressed about this for the past few weeks but I don’t really talk about it. I wasn’t sure why I tried to avoid the topic until I finally did really talk about it with my sister the other day and suddenly broke down crying.

I told her not to tell my parents.

I’ve been avoiding them. I talk to them MAYBE once a week now. Normally I would talk to them at least every other day.

I feel bad because it’s not that I don’t miss them or I don’t want to talk to them… I just feel so ashamed that I have no good news to tell them. And they always have a million questions.

“Did you find a job? How are you paying your rent? Why are you even still there? Did you go on any interviews today?…”

It’s too much pressure.

Besides, when I actually did have a good paying job they came up with every stupid excuse for me to move back… now they have real good reasons for me to move back. But I’m doing everything I can to avoid that… I don’t need them tarnishing my thoughts.

I have an interview Tuesday. Hopefully it will go well.

I’m considering applying for part-time jobs now. I wasn’t before because that won’t pay the bills… but I suppose I can try to get two part-time jobs.

It’s okay.

I’m not going to panic.

I know whatever is supposed to happen will happen.

This isn’t a “poor me” blog. I don’t feel bad for myself. I’m where I am right now because of my own actions and decisions and I’m fine with that.

I guess it’s more of a “I’m going to be honest with myself and face that this is what is happening now” blog.

All I can do is search for jobs and interview the best I can for the next two weeks. If it doesn’t go well… decision making time.

It’s cool. Things could be way worse.

17 comments for this entry:

ItsMrQ
March 29th, 2009 on 9:52 pm
Like you said, things could be waaaaayyyyy worse. Keep your head up.
DenisCavalli
March 29th, 2009 on 10:34 pm
Hello, love I’m really quite sorry to here this, i thought you were doing really well i guess this is happening all over. I just bumped into a person this weekend that is basically in your position if not worse, oh and i live in Toronto, ON. So on Sunday i called all the possible people i knew to help this person out. The same day we went to a job interview, furthermore she has a job interview that i set up for her on tuesday this week. I’m hopping things will work out for her, and as well you. Keep trying hard, keep your head up. Wish you the best of luck, everything will be ok, just believe it hun. Cheers love

P.s. sorry for the long comment just wanted to speak out!
Dylan
March 29th, 2009 on 10:48 pm
Denise,

You are right things could be way worse! But remember you will always be your parents little girl and nothing will ever change that. As much as you may think it they do not want to see you fail so you will come home, in fact I can tell you that they probably hope that you will succeed! But again you are their little girl! I know the feeling all to well of fearing the fact that maybe you let your parents down and they are now ashamed of you, and I can tell you from personal experience its not as bad as you are thinking. They will love you no matter what. They know how hard it is to make it in the world and I can tell you its harder on them not knowing anything than it is to know the truth. Because not knowing is always the hardest part. Think about it, at this very moment you don’t know whats going to happen and that is a very scary and humbling feeling. Your parents are no different with how they see their daughter; not knowing is always the hardest part. I know it is harder for a woman to get a job most times especially in this economy, but keep your chin up, hold positive thoughts in your mind and in your heart, and above all just be yourself and good things will happen. I wish I could afford to send some money your way but I cannot, and I am sorry for that. But remember you are not alone in this world, there are probably hundreds if not thousands of people in your same situation, and you want to know something else… There will be thousands more after you. But remember its always harder to go through something like this alone, and I am sure your parents are waiting and hoping to hear from you, no matter the news.

Take care and, Good luck!
-Dylan
Ray
March 30th, 2009 on 11:21 am
You are NOT out of work because you have no skills or because you have no intelligence or because you’ve made poor choices. It’s a world-wide problem. It would not be rational to blame yourself for the world-wide recession. That being said, where you go from here is up to you and it sounds like you’re being fairly level-headed about what you can do. Just keep doing what you can so that when the world changes you’ll be in a good position to be on the leading edge of the recovery. aloha
mr. janitor
March 31st, 2009 on 1:54 am
hey denise, i know exactly how you feel. i was in the same exact situation a year ago. lost my house, my car, my job…and had to move back in with my parents, but i worked at it, and fortunately(?) i got a good job, and im slowly getting back the things i lost. all im saying is…it wont stay shitty forever, and even if you do have to go couch hopping, or go back to ny, its not the end all. there will be other opportunities to move ahead.
James Ruth
April 2nd, 2009 on 9:41 pm
I know the pain. You have enough friends via Youtube to couch hop. Mine’s always free.
Denile
April 13th, 2009 on 12:00 pm
Hey Denise!

I recently found you on you tube. I know how tings can get now days, but never loose hope. Hope is what drives you, its what brought you to where you are. You have a dream and I sudgest you keep on keeping on untill you see it come true. Hope couses action. If you loose hope then you will stop trying and always wonder “what if”. If you have to go back home for now and re-focus and try again when you feel stronger thats fine too, there is no shame in loosing a few battles as long as you can win this war. I wish you the best.
Jafac
April 13th, 2009 on 7:37 pm
Hang in there baby, everybody’s in the same boat and eventually the tough times will pass.
KayJay203
April 18th, 2009 on 12:32 pm
You’re a beatiful young lady with a lot of talent and a good head on your shoulders just and hang in there and be positive you’ll find oppurtunity when you least expect it, as for N.Y. if you feel like you have to back then do so. There’s no place like home at least that’s what Dorothy says but you get the point. Just hang tight p.s. YOU’RE HOT!!
Idris
April 30th, 2009 on 9:52 am
Get a sponsor for your make-over of the Right Round song.
It’s fun.
Grtz,
Idris
Dan
August 13th, 2009 on 8:10 pm
Hey Denise,

I know it’s hard, I’m in that same kind of position right now. But I did get a call today for a government position, so I’m waiting for an official interview. One thing I know, you could ask God to help you. Some people don’t believe in that, but I do. God does help us when we’re in need or in trouble. You should ask for His help if you haven’t. I prayed for you. Just try if haven’t.

Take care

Dan (theddboy2)
Ruben L Rivera
September 25th, 2009 on 8:38 am
i think you are kool i never seen you before till last night
Ruben L Rivera
September 25th, 2009 on 8:40 am
YOU R A GOOD LOOKING FUNNY YUNG GIRL AND COOL TO HEAR AND WHATCH
imxlnt2 and mostrandompage on youtube
October 2nd, 2009 on 8:02 am
just wanted to let you know that on your youtube channel, i cant view all 60+ of your videos, when i do try it opens them up BUT I CANT SCROLL DOWN! lol. better get youtube on the phone, they got some ’splaining to do.
Travis Anthony
February 24th, 2010 on 12:09 pm
I was going to write don’t worry about it but that’s stupid. Someone once told me money is not the most important thing in the world…but it’s right up there with food and air. Look at it this way, bad decisions make great stories.
Melba Notario
May 4th, 2010 on 4:33 am
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sexydawg
May 8th, 2010 on 6:57 am
Hey you look great!