The Writer That Doesn’t Write

by denisevlogs on Jul.24, 2009, under Uncategorized

… is not a writer at all. It’s just a loser with “ideas” and “no time”.

When in fact that loser has all the time in the fucking world. And the loser knows it.

Sure the loser might have a lot of problems right now. How will the loser pay their rent? How will the loser buy food for them self… and their cat. Can the loser combat loneliness by hanging out at unfulfilling places, with unfulfilling people, and participating in conversations that are… unfulfilling?

Of COURSE the loser has problems. They’re loser. It’s expected.

But don’t be misconstrued by the loser’s articulated view of them self. They feel no self pity. Just self inflicted anger.

WHY have these problems arose? What mistakes were made? Why were these mistakes made? Where is this all going? And most important… why is the loser not writing. After all, that’s what it’s all about… isn’t it?

“See, that’s the difference between me and you. I’m leaving because I’m not made for this kind of environment. In order to live here you have to have an incredible drive and a desire to make all of your decisions around your career. You have to REALLY care about being successful at it. You have that. You really want it and enjoy it. I’m not that person” – Says an outsider.

What’s making them think the loser is doing so much to advance? What has the loser done to deceive this person? Odd.

The loser realizes they are probably talking the talk and painting a picture that is clearly a facade. When did the loser stop walking the walk?

There is nothing like being told you are something admirable and in your heart you know you definitely are not… at least not anymore.

The loser decides to write again. Even though lately the thoughts often turn to mush. They will just write the mush… until it becomes something again.

Maybe then the loser won’t be a loser. No matter what happens.

14 comments for this entry:

Toriano
July 24th, 2009 on 6:28 pm
Maybe the loser isn’t REALLY a loser, but just a misconstrued winner with some obstacles. Perhaps this “loser” is just dealing with certain things, and has been just building experience and gaining knowledge to help them succeed even further than they would have previously.

This “loser” is nothing but a winner who has strayed from the path only a little bit, but can see the trail through the brush.
Sammah
July 24th, 2009 on 6:35 pm
Do a Barrel Roll
Alma
July 24th, 2009 on 6:39 pm
omg… i have been feeling the same exact way… well not with writing, but with my videos… omg… great blog! Bravo!

~Alma2Awesome
Mike Irwin
July 26th, 2009 on 7:36 pm
OMG Denise you aren’t a loser. I am also having a tough time finding a job among other things too. You are something very admirable. It really makes me sad that you don’t see it. I suppose its because you dont get to see your own smiles and charisma like us viewers do whenever you post a video. I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better…Let me know if you think of anything.Try watching this video.Dont know if it will help any but it was worth givin ya the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5nAdEgH0Ms
Jean Dedeaux
July 28th, 2009 on 4:58 am
Don’t you hate pep talks? People tell you what deep down you already know and want you to think they have given you this grand advice that will change your life. Pep talks only work because you already knew what the person is telling you and you wanted it re-affirmed. I could tell you how great and pretty and intelligent you were all day but if some part of you didn’t know it in the first place would you really believe me?
I also hate smart asses who try to disguise pep talks. Oh and in case I haven’t thanked you for being you yet…Thank you. Keep it up.
larry
July 28th, 2009 on 2:06 pm
heres a quote I always think about when I feel a little down…

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Zombiemole
July 31st, 2009 on 2:59 am
Its pretty simple. Do what makes you happy. If writing makes you happy then continue on that path. If not then maybe its time to look for the fork in the road or to do a U-turn and look back to what made you happiest.
But then it might just be down to priorities.
But whatever you do Good Luck.
jewelry
August 2nd, 2009 on 7:08 pm
Noel, it is a great post thanks for writing it!
Peter
August 3rd, 2009 on 5:55 am
I liked it. So much useful material. I read with great interest.
babafisa
August 3rd, 2009 on 11:35 am
I hope this was a very interesting post thanks for writing it
ultrasurf
August 3rd, 2009 on 8:29 pm
This is the second entry I read tonight. And I am on my third. Got to think which one is next. Thank you.
brandon johnson
August 7th, 2009 on 3:16 am
denise,

i feel…the exact same way. i dont think there is a worse feeling than knowing you are not what people think you are. people think im very intelligent, and where i once was very intelligent, no longer is that the case. people think im a great writer…once again that was the former brandon, where as the latter is a lazy fat foppish fool. i dont know, i often find myself missing who i once was, but philisophically i know that the problem is not that i have somehow regressed into a state of retardation, rather ive allowed myself to become stagnant. once we stop growing; usually because we are too lazy to break the walls with which we build around ourselves, the things we do become mediocre and within that mediocrity i feel we become even more lazy and just say fuck it. you need to challenge yourself, and i dont mean challenge your life’s situation, dont go out and run a marathon or some shit. but challenge the way you think, start trying to think about things in a different manner, or surround yourself with completely different thoughts. those that provoke your mind into compulsive arguments with itself and those that challenge your way of thinking. sometimes inspiration is sparked doing this. or maybe…im talking out of my ass. either way, i know exactly how you feel.
brandon johnson
August 7th, 2009 on 3:24 am
anger

let me just start off by saying
that somewhere along the way i started paying
for all of the education ive been waisting
as time slips by, neurons die
and my mylar sheaths begin to smoke and fry
thoughts are caught and devoured
and quickly i feel my intelligence soured
by the world around me and the apathy
of all the routine that has beseeched me

i feel it most when i try to write
because none of my words ever seem right
they always seem off by, just a little
and i think for a while, and my mind starts to fiddle
the way it would, when i didnt like
whatever it was that i would write
only now i dont have the skills
to write down what i accurately feel

there is nothing worse than knowing that
the best you were is in your past
and no matter how hard you try
your inspiration has run dry
dry like the thoughts that stagnate
inside your brain, it is their fate
to sit and die in your frontal lobe
what can i do to start the growth?

i feel lost in my own desire
to reach within and spark a fire
that will light the way
to who i once was
i need this flame simply because
im sick of feeling mediocre
mediocrity was not the life destined for me

see? i just wrote that. horrible. dont rip on me for my spelling, if i limited my vocabulary to what i could spell i would only be able to say “fart” “turd” and “twat”. have a good day denise.
Andicat
October 10th, 2009 on 7:32 am
Hi Denise

Great vlog. Honest and upfront. I too, despite my creative award for writing, have felt at a loss as to complete several projects I have started. Overwhelmed by the ideas that cram into my head. I too over analyse everything. I can identify with your writing crisis. Maybe it is just the birth of a magnificent creation. Like a baby has to learn to talk to walk..then run. Go with it and I look forward to your first Novel. BTW i liked all your story lines..go with the one YOU feel inspired to write the most, because then it will be given your all. Andrea Jane.