The Opening Sentence
by denisevlogs on Aug.24, 2009, under Uncategorized
I wrote 5 first sentences to 5 different possible stories. None of them have an official genre attached to it yet. I barely thought any of them out. Let me know which one you would want to hear the rest of the most (or the one you would least mind reading the rest of!):
1 – The lights went out… now we knew we were in trouble.
2 – “Mom…”, was the last thing this little body said before he died in my arms. Without even a second thought, I threw him into the trunk of my car.
3 – Harry was checking his emails and eating his nightly bowl of spaghetti when suddenly the door bell rang.
4 – There he was, singing his annoying little tune and strolling along with that innocent smirk across his face, wearing his cologne that you can smell from a mile away. That cologne that gave Charlotte a chill up her spine.
5 – It’s not a drug, but I’m drawn to it like it is. It’s not a person, but it’s a friend I can count on.
Let me know which one you like, thanks!
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August 24th, 2009 on 8:43 pm
i like #2, it has the most draw and the most potential to be something i wanna hear lol
custom
August 24th, 2009 on 8:45 pm
3 – Harry was checking his emails and eating his nightly bowl of spaghetti when suddenly the door bell rang.
August 24th, 2009 on 8:46 pm
I like #2 and #5 the most. I’m curious as to where #2 could lead….
August 24th, 2009 on 9:20 pm
Sentence 1 Has been written a thousand times.
Sentence 2 Is just creepy. +1
Sentence 3 Is the start of something mildly interesting.
Sentence 4 feels like the start of a romance. +1
Sentence 5 is a very compelling mystery that gave me the strongest desire to read more, as compared to sentences 1 – 4. +1
August 24th, 2009 on 11:02 pm
i like number five the most…im just hoping your drug/friend isn’t the internet. cause thats been done. but i really felt it had the most appeal, i wanna know what plagues this guys life yet he depends upon. good luck with your stories!
August 25th, 2009 on 12:12 am
#1 I was intrigued, and I wanted to hear more about what was going on.
#2 This punched me in the face and stabbed me in the leg with a pen and however disturbing, I wanted to read more to know what was happening. *shakes fist at Curiosity* I can see myself frozen in place, standing stunned and motionless wherever I happened to be when I opened to the first page of that book.
#3 For a guy who eats crap and spends too much time online, I get the sense that even a knock at the door won’t make his dull life interesting. Less likely to read further. I’d probably just be disturbed by the parallels with myself.
#4 If worded a bit differently I would be interested. It has the flavor of a dark drama or mystery.
#5 This says “emotional prose that will frustrate me”. I can’t explain why…I don’t know.
I feel #2 is the winner overall, because that was one gripping opening line. Wow. The visuals were clear and shocking. Turned expectation on its head and simultaneously brought me into a fictional world and the harshness of the real world.
August 25th, 2009 on 12:55 am
I like the 4th one better. Some nice details and it feels like someting is actually going to happen. Keep us updated on the results!
August 25th, 2009 on 1:23 am
i agree with the ppl liking number 2, it right away grabs your attention and want to know were its gonna go, and why she wrapped up the child for takeout, i mean everyone knows children are only tasty shortly after death (i keed i keed)
August 25th, 2009 on 1:28 am
#2 is the most intriguing.
August 25th, 2009 on 7:23 am
I like nr.1. the most and nr.2. the least
August 25th, 2009 on 8:28 am
#5 to me sounds intresting.
August 25th, 2009 on 9:12 am
number 3
who is at the door????
August 25th, 2009 on 10:06 am
number one for sure, it’s simple and it could be a beginning of a cool story.
August 25th, 2009 on 10:29 am
2nd sentence ftw
August 25th, 2009 on 1:28 pm
I’m in love with #2. That literally grabs a reader and makes them want to know more.
like… who the hell is the “little body” and where is it’s mother? is the mother the one who put them in the trunk?
Love it. love it. love it.
August 25th, 2009 on 1:56 pm
hi denis…i am your fan..pls join me on facebook..my name is yasar bulbulkaya..i love you..find me..
August 25th, 2009 on 1:58 pm
or add me your msn..keepmyhands@hotmail.com..waiting u..
August 25th, 2009 on 2:05 pm
denise lost2427….find me..
August 25th, 2009 on 4:17 pm
Hey Denise!
#1 is pretty nice, it could be the beginning of a poem or something.
#2 is like O_O HORRORRR
#3 can like… turn out in any way.. He gets eaten by an ugly bearded monster, or he just won $10000000 and lives happily ever after
#4 is a pretty good start, it makes you feel like there are some things that the writer is trying to hide from you, it really makes me want to read more
#5 is like WTF I GOT TO GET ME ONE OF THOSE!!!
#4 is interesting! but #1 COULD be the beginning of a poem.. and I like that! so I’d go with #1
August 25th, 2009 on 4:21 pm
I think 2 is the most compelling. I had the picture in my head once reading it, and my brain was left asking for more!
August 25th, 2009 on 6:42 pm
Hello, the story I want to hear more of is #2 because just from reading it I felt drawn in from the suspenceful feeling. The rest were great beginnings but #2 drew me in more. For a second choice I would say #1 had a similar feeling but not equal to #2.
Thanks for reading, if you did,if not its still cool
August 25th, 2009 on 9:41 pm
#4 seems like a classic line from many of my favorite writers, although #2 has lots of “grab” and enigma.
September 25th, 2009 on 10:40 am
I like the second one the best…it sounds very promising b/c it doesn’t give away much at the begining…
Good luck
September 29th, 2009 on 10:08 pm
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October 2nd, 2009 on 2:16 pm
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October 8th, 2009 on 2:10 pm
I like #2 the best. I hope we get to see a story sometime this fall.
October 10th, 2009 on 12:20 pm
I think #2 sounds cool, but #4 could be awesome if the guy turned out to be a Vampire, or maybe a Secret Agent, or even a Hitman. I kind of thought someone is drawing this girl in for a reason thats more sinister than the audience would expect. With that said i’d have to put my vote in for #4.
October 21st, 2009 on 8:01 am
Thank you! You often write very interesting articles. You improved my mood.
October 24th, 2009 on 8:30 pm
Hmm, I think I like numbers #2 and #5. Not sure which I like more, though.
October 28th, 2009 on 9:59 am
Valuable thoughts and advices. I read your topic with great interest.
November 2nd, 2009 on 12:18 am
your hysterical! Looks like I finally met my lip-singing match
If latinas de verded existen tan chidas como tu, hay esperanza para mi , porque ya am aburrio de las calladas chaparritas. :p Well Good luck becoming an actor – I assume is your ultimate mission?
November 23rd, 2009 on 3:49 pm
definitely #2. hang in there, kid! I admire your ambition and fortitude. You’ve got some serious talent and it would be a shame if you didn’t get to share it with the rest of the world.
November 24th, 2009 on 4:21 pm
I like #1.
“The lights went out… now we knew we were in trouble. We heard the steps coming up the stairs. Emilio was determined to get either get his money back or get even. I thought back to when I was his age. Young, powerful, bold… but definitely naive. I thought of everybody I love, specially my mom. No, this cannot be it. I hear about how people die in the newspapers and all these freak accidents that happen. But this is my life! Fight or flight. The adrenaline shoots up my body. Nowhere to go. I signaled my little brother to stay quiet. oh man. Emilio is armed. He always is. I should not have taken the money. Oh mom, I don’t want to miss you. So much sacrifice you went through. For what? For this? Family going after each other? And is this it? It can’t be. I remembered my uncle Ben’s words, “If you’re going to go down, go down fighting.” I also remembered how we went down on the block… fighting… holding a strong stance against the cops. God bless his soul….
“Reynaldo! I know you’re up there! I’m coming for you!”, Emilio screamed.
….
…
..
Fight or flight…
December 23rd, 2009 on 2:52 pm
Hi Denise….if u dont mind…here is my take on ur 5 sentences 2 5 different stories…………..
1. The lights go out cuz of a social-pathic psycho killer come n after u or cuz a couple of college age peeps about 2 do it.
2. This 1 says 2 me that the ending is the beginning and the rest of the story tells us how it all happened.
3. The door bell rings and its 1 of his friends or it could possible b his high-class call girl that he ordered.
4. This 1 could b the start of a great script 4 Law & Order SVU or Criminal Intent.
5. The sentence could b a # of things. Here is a small list of what that “drug” could b: street fighting, drag racing/street racing, gambling or stealing………..
Denise if this is what ur goin 4. My 1st choice #2 is the 1 that I wood want 2 hear the rest of the most. #3 is the 1 that I wood least mind reading.
December 27th, 2009 on 5:55 am
why no recent blogs?
January 15th, 2010 on 1:54 pm
i like this one best
4 – There he was, singing his annoying little tune and strolling along with that innocent smirk across his face, wearing his cologne that you can smell from a mile away. That cologne that gave Charlotte a chill up her spine
cant wait to see what you do with it
January 21st, 2010 on 5:36 pm
In order of favorite to least favorite: 5, 2, 4, 3, 1
February 22nd, 2010 on 4:08 am
i like u denise .u look awsome in black dress.
February 24th, 2010 on 6:10 am
i like #5 #2 is also weirdly compelling
March 19th, 2010 on 1:39 pm
definitely number 2.
March 22nd, 2010 on 2:27 pm
Hey I’m interested in setup a rss feed from your blog to another blog. How can I set this up ???
March 26th, 2010 on 4:13 pm
number two !!!
April 12th, 2010 on 3:36 pm
I would say n°1 is the best to attract attention. And as many people choose n°2, i will just say that an horrific story can be written upon that, but it’s definitely not my style.
April 29th, 2010 on 10:18 pm
#4 left a taste in my mind. I can visualize it. What would that cologne be… aqua d’gio? Nope… Axe Body Spray – the chocolate one? lol The tune he was singing… how about that whistling song played in Kill Bill. lol…. Maybe the song by Jamie Fox and Akon saying “She ain’t nothing but a gold digger”… with an innocent smirk, why not????
May 6th, 2010 on 1:20 pm
Of all I would continue with the #5.
The others are melodramatic and choppy.
The fifth is mysterious and could be the beginning of either a short story, a poem or an epic journey.
I would probably pay good money to hear the rest of that.
The others made me just wince, frankly.